Do you find it hard to keep control when arguing? Many people find it very difficult to control their anger or rage that appear in certain situations every day. Conflicts at work, arguments with a partner and even driving on the road can cause some unpleasant situations in which someone can lose control of their impulses and become aggressive. In this oneHOWTO article we will tell you how to control violent impulses so you learn to share and discuss different viewpoints without shouting or resorting to violence.
The first thing you should know is that all people have impulses and we can all be driven by this primal instinct to do something that we have not thought through. It is something natural that is inside all of us and can occasionally surface in our lives.
However, it becomes a problem when you cannot control your impulses and they lead to violent scenes. This is particularly true when arguing, where feelings of anger can take over and make us act in a completely uncontrolled way.
Before we begin telling you how to control violent impulses, it is important to know that there is a psychological disorder related to this type of behavior which is known as "intermittent explosive disorder". This type of mental disorder is characterized by an inability to control aggressive impulses causing the person to scream hysterically, throw or break objects and push or even strike the person they are facing.
This type of disorder is recognized when a person reacts uncontrollably when faced with a conflict or stressful situation. Patients usually describe this type of feeling as "attacks" and are usually preceded by the accumulation of stress and negative thoughts. The most common thing is that hours after these outbursts the person accepts their share of blame and feels shame and/or guilt.
People with this disorder suffer it in isolation, i.e. they do not have any other type of imbalance like bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. These people also do not act in this way due to being affected by substances like drugs. They are usually normal people who have outbursts in stressful situations. If this is your case, at OneHowTo we recommend going to a psychologist who can give you specific help.
The reason why people let themselves get carried away by impulses is found in their behavior patterns that have been learned throughout their life. Anything from past relationships to behavior with their family can be the causes of this mistaken behavior pattern when resolving conflicts. Therefore, in order to change it is essential to carry out a self-analysis to try to determine when this was learned and so realize that they have a problem that should be fixed as soon as possible.
One anger management technique is to try to master aggressive impulses that make us shout, become hysterical or lose control. In order to control them, a good way is to think before speaking, i.e., just at the moment when you physiologically realise that you are going to experience this type of situation (nerves, tension, fast pulse, etc.) get a pencil and paper and write down what's happening, what has upset you and how you can fix it.
Curbing accumulated aggression and using the rational and analytical part of your brain is the best way to control this impulse that could cause an unpleasant situation.
However, you will not always be able to stop your anger and write down your ideas. So, when you are in more uncontrollable situations a good way to control aggressive impulses is to focus on your breathing. Taking deep breaths will supply oxygen to your brain. This can calm your nerves, lowering your heartbeat and keeping your mind focused on your breathing.
We recommend that when you're in such situations, you stay silent and do not explode. Stay silent and begin to breathe calmly. After a while you'll be able to control those impulses and speak in a more rational way. If you see that the argument is going in a violent or aggressive direction, go back to staying silent and control your breathing to get away from the tension that is happening around you.
At first, it is recommended that before exploding with shouts and aggressiveness, you go for a walk, lock yourself in a room or leave for a while to take yourself out of the environment that is getting you upset. A good method is to put on some relaxing music to first calm your rage and, after a few minutes, you'll see how you start to think about the reason for the conflict, trying to understand what has happened and what the solution may be.
However, before reaching this reflective point you have to be able to control your nerve and this technique that we've just detailed is usually infallible. If the person you usually argue with in this way is your partner, at oneHOWTO we suggest that you explain all these methods you are going to use to calm your nerves to them and so learn to discuss things together.
In order to control your violent impulses it is also good to stay positive and try to bring this positivity to a hostile environment. The most common thing is for negative thoughts to dominate during episodes of conflict. However, you should control them and try to make them disappear by fostering a positive attitude. You can do this by repeating phrases to yourself like "stay calm", "it's not worth it", "I can control this", etc.
When you feel ready to face the argument in a rational way you can do so. What you should avoid most of all is having a fiery attitude. You have to enter the conversation with a desire to resolve the conflict by proposing a solution. Speak in the first person, that is, speak only for yourself. Do not blame others for your anger. Try to communicate calmly and it is also especially important to learn to listen to the viewpoint of the other person to achieve a positive outcome for the both of you.
Above all else, avoid raising your voice, using offensive words, invading their space or denigrating them. All these actions denote aggressive behavior that can lead to a violent scene.
Humor can also be a good tool to try to control violent impulses. Trying to change the viewpoint of the argument to a comic one will make you smile and able to relax and reduce the moment's tension. When you laugh your body chemistry changes and your mood will go from anger to humor. In this way your anger will disappear and you'll be able to talk about the subject in a more peaceful way.
One of the best techniques available for controlling these violent impulses is to do meditation. This type of practice calms your anxiety and also helps you to get to know yourself and so be able to detect the times when you aren't you and rage is about to appear. By meditating you'll understand yourself better and, above all, you'll be able to control the situations that get out of hand.
This article is merely informative, oneHOWTO does not have the authority to prescribe any medical treatments or create a diagnosis. We invite you to visit your doctor if you have any type of condition or pain.
If you want to read similar articles to How to Control Violent Impulses, we recommend you visit our Mental health category.